i recently moved to a foreign country alone and started taking rigorous language classes, so i've been dealing with a lot of loneliness and stress. i'm especially struggling with productivity and taking care of myself. i have a tendency to set unrealistic goals, feel overwhelmed by them, and then chastise myself for not doing all the things i think i should be doing.

this creates a vicious cycle:

1. i burn myself out and need to rest, but
2. i can't enjoy my resting time because i'm constantly thinking about the things i need to do, so
3. i waste my free time, too tired to be productive but too stressed to properly recharge, before
4. i manage to finish my work but land right back at step 1 and repeat.

to combat this harmful habit, i'm learning how to set daily goals that are realistic for me by breaking down big tasks into smaller steps. for example, instead of giving myself a daunting and somewhat vague goal like, "today, i will finish my classical chinese homework", i'll be more specific and say, "today, i will copy down the new vocabulary. tomorrow, i will translate the text."

i'm also trying to forgive myself when i don't meet my goals. oftentimes, i'm trying to work ahead so it's okay if i don't finish what i hoped to finish, i'll just have to work a little harder another day. honestly, even if it really is the last day and i don't manage to finish a task, is it really the end of the world? the answer has never been and will likely never be "yes" (unless aliens visit and threaten to destroy Earth if they don't receive my translation of Zhuangzi by 11:59pm). in the end, your physical and mental wellbeing are more important than any assignment or chore, and should be treated as such.

finally, i've started to praise myself for anything and everything because, for someone like me who's currently struggling with their mental health, even the smallest tasks might not be as simple as they seem. this has been one of the most helpful things for improving my mindset. it's easy to berate yourself on days when you haven't done anything particularly "productive", but even just getting through the day is something to celebrate. for example, i barely did any schoolwork today, but i'm patting myself on the head for the little bit that i did do. and i'm patting myself on the head for eating well today, which is not something that i manage to do everyday. and i'm patting myself on the head for writing this blog post!

if you've read this far and can relate, i implore you to think about the way you treat your loved ones when they are struggling. i imagine you would never chastise them for needing help and rest, so why would you do it to yourself? afford yourself the same patience, tenderness, and grace that you give to others. be kind to yourself.

“I treat myself like I would my daughter. I brush her hair, wash her laundry, tuck her in goodnight. Most importantly, I feed her. I do not punish her. I do not berate her, leave tears staining her face. I do not leave her alone. I know she deserves more. I know I deserve more.”

―Michelle K.