honoring my calling
because i'm getting closer and closer to finishing school and finding a Real Job™, i've been thinking a lot about my "calling". motivational speakers claim everyone has one—you know, the sort of job that you feel like you were born to do, where you never have to work a day in your life because you love it so much—but i'm skeptical. at least, i'm skeptical that everyone has a calling that is financially feasible. i mean, i feel like i was born to wear ribbons in my hair and frolic through meadows of lavender, but that won't earn me a livable wage...
looking back on my youth, i've aspired to a number of odd dream jobs for reasons that can only be described as childish and/or whimsical:
- when i was in middle school, i wanted to be a fashion designer. i think this is because i began caring about my appearance as all pubescent children do, and grew out of my tomboy phase. i was obsessed with the elegantly feminine dresses of designers like paolo sebastian and elie saab. my dream was cut short because i can’t draw.
- as a high school freshman, i did my mandatory career project on becoming an author. i still feel shy and proud when i think about how my english teacher left a note on my paper: "i can't wait to read your first novel! :)" unfortunately, i don't think i have it in me to be the type of writer i admire. to quote one of them, "i am too fond of reading books to care to write them."1
- along the way, i thought i might like to be a forensic anthropologist and i have to blame this fancy entirely on the tv show bones. i think i was more metal when i was younger, because i don't really want to examine corpses now.
- sometime around my junior year of high school, i decided i want to be a defense attorney. this dream actually lasted for a couple years (and it's the only reason i have a random degree in philosophy), but i gave it up when i realized life is not like legally blonde, and i cry far too easily to be anywhere near a courtroom.
the funny thing is, although i have no plans to pursue any of these jobs, i realized i still carry parts of them with me. i'm not a designer, but i love crocheting clothes and hope to learn to sew. i'm not an author, but i have this blog. i'm not a forensic anthropologist, but i still love solving mysteries. i'm not a lawyer, but i still love playing nintendo's ace attorney. (objection!!)
i guess in some ways, we never really give up on our childhood dreams, no matter how silly they are.
🙇♀️
i'm fortunate enough to say i think i've discovered my calling. well, i "discovered" it in the same way columbus "discovered" america, in that it was there all along. for as long as i remember, i've been helping others learn. i recall my second grade teacher telling my classmates to "ask cat for help" when she was busy because i always finished my work quickly and was happy to explain; i remember going to school early in eighth grade to help a classmate with her math homework; and when i returned to my childhood home this summer, i looked back at my old high school yearbook and saw that everyone had written things like, "thank you for always helping me in calc”, “i can't believe you never got annoyed at my dumb questions”, “i wouldn’t have survived stats without you”.
of course, there are still times when i hesitate. teaching is not exactly a lucrative or well-respected job, especially in the states. i even feel a bit sheepish when i tell people i'm getting my master's in teaching chinese because i'm afraid they'll think it's not a good enough job. after all, people say "those who can't do, teach."
i've always resented that saying. i never understood why we don't give teachers more credit. the only reason anyone has any job is because they had teachers to guide them. sure, i've met plenty of teachers who really shouldn't be allowed in a classroom, but there are also a lot of good teachers, and if you're lucky, you've probably had at least one or two that changed your life.2 i really want to be that person to my students. i hope i already have been to some (even though my friend jokes that we've only been "cosplaying as teachers" so far :p).